I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
