So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I fill condoms, not promises.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
