Say something about gay babies.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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