she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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