Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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