Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
