speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
