P.S. I can't hear my feet
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
