So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
