I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
