i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
