Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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