just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
