Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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