FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
