Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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