yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
