Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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