he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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