the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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