So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
