I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
