Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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