I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
