4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
