My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
