she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
