are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
