I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
