Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
