yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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