He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
We're too hungover to prance.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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