I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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