party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's shark week go big or go home
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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