how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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