I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize