I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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