why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
no, he came in my armpit
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
