Need sex. Gaining weight.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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