hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
