Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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