you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
