I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
