YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so explain again why im purple
no
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
