I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
