2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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