if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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