I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
areolas are like halos for boobs.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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