just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
