just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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