She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
