Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
