How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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