I just gift wrapped bread.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My breasts were aching with rage.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
