i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He did a backflip because drugs
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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