Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am available for nakedness
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
