Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
