she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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