i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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