We're like a lot better than the average bears
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
