my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
