Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
