omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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