Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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