I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
two words...techno handjob
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
