I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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