What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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