did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
What drink are we having for lunch?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All the doctor said was why
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
