Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
