i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
