I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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