we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
