Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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