i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
