I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
