My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
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