Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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