I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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