Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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