Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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