first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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