i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
