white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
