God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
