I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
