her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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