If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
