Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
