I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
