So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
