I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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